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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the first thing I see is my cat, Miki, knockin’ over my coffee cup. Like, really? It’s 7 AM, dude! I’m already late for my shift at the café on Trg Dr. Franje Tuđmana. I sprint outta my apartment on Ulica Kralja Zvonimira, dodging stray cats and old ladies with their shopping bags.

Croatia celebrates Victory & Homeland Thanksgiving Day